la vida ha cambiado.
me parece realmente que este es un momento definitorio, estamos creciendo de nuevo.
la gente se va a otros países. hay que ser adulto para hacer eso.
la gente toma decisiones radicales sobre su vida y da muchísimo miedo
y es así es lo que toca y la posta es que uno se levanta
todos los días para ir a laburar, todos los días
y entabla relaciones reales con las personas, tiene conversaciones y afectos
y responsabilidades, y no es algo malo. es algo que cambia a uno.
y por suerte me dormí y me desperté y no me olvide de todo lo que daba vueltas en mi cabeza
y es raro en mi que estas cosas den vuelta por mi cabeza, pero me parece imprescindible.
vamos en encontrarnos y siendo las mismas personas vamos a tener
casas, hijos, carreras, deudas
nos miramos al espejo y nuestra cara no es la misma,
nos miramos a los ojos y se nota por lo que pasamos
y seguimos aferrados a alguna niñería y es algo bello pero ficticio
no somos los jóvenes de antes.
no llegamos a los 19 años vírgenes (me refiero a vírgenes de la vida, como un territorio virgen)
llegamos con historias, deseos, cicatrices, relaciones personales construidas sobre bases duraderas y verdaderas, cuentas pendientes, miedos.
no son los mismos 19 años que nos transmiten nuestros padres y la sociedad.
estamos inmersos en este mundo que queremos cambiar, pero quien esta dispuesto a usar su insignificante y valiosísima vida solo para eso? quien sabe como hacerlo, por donde empezar?
todo esta corrompido y nosotros también, y que saben los que no lo están? su valor es la belleza, la pureza que no se lleva bien con la reflexión, que se vería lascerada por ella.
me siento capaz de seguir adelante, de desempeñar ese papel,
y miro a mi alrededor y la gente también y esta dispuesta.
crecemos como grupo social, en paralelo mas allá de las diferencias de cada uno.
hay algo de ese mundo real que nos parece tan fantástico cuando no estamos en el,
que nos atrapa y no se detiene.
15.2.09
24.1.09
just the way you are
i get drunk, i get high, i cry and make a scene
i kiss the wrong people and fuck the wrong people, at the wrong time
i stalk my exes, i still think my son's gonna have his last name
i drink alone, sleep a lot, listen to sad songs when i'm sad to get sadder
i say more than i should and then forget about it
i panic over almost anything, i talk to myself in public and at loud
i imagine conversations in my head and then get mad at people over what i imagined they said
i'm the girl who takes a cab at 3 in the morning to go to the house of a boy i don't even like
i imagine getting even with what i'm scared he may do is gonna make me feel better
i'm rude to people i don't like, i'm easy because i don't like to play hard to get
i date guys who resamble my dad, and complain about it
i'm the girl who's crying at the bus stop at 6 in the morning
i'm friends with all my ex and date all my friends
i go for my boyfriend's best friends every time, it's just irresistable
i like broken girls, the ones that get drunk and cry and dance and fuck their best friend
(yep, i do know that's what i do)
i can't stand other women when i go out, i want all the atention for myself
i can't go anywhere whitout running into someone i really shouldn't run into
i'm dying for those fuzzy handcuffs, and would probably use them whit anyone but my boy
i'm always on a "it's really hard to explain" or a "it's a long story" relationship
i dream about getting chances, and refuse them when they fall from the sky
i always get an "oh no, what did you do?" for an answer
i can't keep a haircut for over a month, i always wound up feeling like a whore
i never have anything to wear no matter how many clothes i buy
i can't handle competition, i just give up
i want an adult relationship, but i would just fuck it up (again)
nothing's more fun than making a mess.
and i just love that about me.
i kiss the wrong people and fuck the wrong people, at the wrong time
i stalk my exes, i still think my son's gonna have his last name
i drink alone, sleep a lot, listen to sad songs when i'm sad to get sadder
i say more than i should and then forget about it
i panic over almost anything, i talk to myself in public and at loud
i imagine conversations in my head and then get mad at people over what i imagined they said
i'm the girl who takes a cab at 3 in the morning to go to the house of a boy i don't even like
i imagine getting even with what i'm scared he may do is gonna make me feel better
i'm rude to people i don't like, i'm easy because i don't like to play hard to get
i date guys who resamble my dad, and complain about it
i'm the girl who's crying at the bus stop at 6 in the morning
i'm friends with all my ex and date all my friends
i go for my boyfriend's best friends every time, it's just irresistable
i like broken girls, the ones that get drunk and cry and dance and fuck their best friend
(yep, i do know that's what i do)
i can't stand other women when i go out, i want all the atention for myself
i can't go anywhere whitout running into someone i really shouldn't run into
i'm dying for those fuzzy handcuffs, and would probably use them whit anyone but my boy
i'm always on a "it's really hard to explain" or a "it's a long story" relationship
i dream about getting chances, and refuse them when they fall from the sky
i always get an "oh no, what did you do?" for an answer
i can't keep a haircut for over a month, i always wound up feeling like a whore
i never have anything to wear no matter how many clothes i buy
i can't handle competition, i just give up
i want an adult relationship, but i would just fuck it up (again)
nothing's more fun than making a mess.
and i just love that about me.
18.1.09
just something about mary
you know those girls who are just so fucking cute you just can't say no to them?
i mean, you know nothing good is going to get out of that, but she's looking at you with those eyes and we just fall for it, like the suckers we are.
it's like in this movie, this girls is being stalked by about 5 different guys.
and everyone who meets her falls in love with her.
we all know a mary. fuck, i know i do. you just know she's going to let you down again, but you see her waiting there for you and all you can think about is god she's beautiful.
it's funny cause we see that and they seem so.. flawless.
but they all have big self esteem issues and in the end are just a complete mess.
but don't be fooled... once you see the mess at it's worst.. they get vulnerable.
and broken. and i looove a fucked up girl.
and worst of all, you never call me when you say you will! but i love you still i need you! more than anyone darling, you know that i have from the start.. so fill me up! come on hon, don't break my heart...
i mean, you know nothing good is going to get out of that, but she's looking at you with those eyes and we just fall for it, like the suckers we are.
it's like in this movie, this girls is being stalked by about 5 different guys.
and everyone who meets her falls in love with her.
we all know a mary. fuck, i know i do. you just know she's going to let you down again, but you see her waiting there for you and all you can think about is god she's beautiful.
it's funny cause we see that and they seem so.. flawless.
but they all have big self esteem issues and in the end are just a complete mess.
but don't be fooled... once you see the mess at it's worst.. they get vulnerable.
and broken. and i looove a fucked up girl.
and worst of all, you never call me when you say you will! but i love you still i need you! more than anyone darling, you know that i have from the start.. so fill me up! come on hon, don't break my heart...
14.1.09
worst possible scenario.
Three people are walking down the street at about 5 in the morning. A fourth person is there too, walking towards an apartament building from across the street.
In the first group there are two girls and a boy, one of the girls is clearly very high and the other two are sort off carrying her and keeping her awake.
The boy from across the street gets to his front door, and looks at the group who are walking away from him. He recognizes the very high girl, stays in shock for a few seconds and shouts a name. The girl who was carrying her friend turns her head, and looks terrified. She tells the boy to hurry up. The other boy keeps shouting the name. Suddenly the very high girl reacts. She ask her friends what's going on, they say nothing but she said she heard someone call her name. They tell her she's crazy and laugh, but she won't keep walking. She looks terrified and screams what the hell happened?! Then she stops, opens her mouth and begins to cry. She falls on the floor.
The boy is still in his front door. He is standing there and looks at the scene horrified and somewhat disgusted. He's paralysed.
The girl keeps crying, and screaming out loud, like she was being torn apart with pain. The boy next to her takes her in her arms and starts walking, while she keeps crying. The other girl walks towards the boy standing there.
- This, this is all you. All because of you. She's a mess. And I'm just trying to keep her from dying. So you stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I'll kill you.
She's got tears in her eyes. He just stands there.
In the first group there are two girls and a boy, one of the girls is clearly very high and the other two are sort off carrying her and keeping her awake.
The boy from across the street gets to his front door, and looks at the group who are walking away from him. He recognizes the very high girl, stays in shock for a few seconds and shouts a name. The girl who was carrying her friend turns her head, and looks terrified. She tells the boy to hurry up. The other boy keeps shouting the name. Suddenly the very high girl reacts. She ask her friends what's going on, they say nothing but she said she heard someone call her name. They tell her she's crazy and laugh, but she won't keep walking. She looks terrified and screams what the hell happened?! Then she stops, opens her mouth and begins to cry. She falls on the floor.
The boy is still in his front door. He is standing there and looks at the scene horrified and somewhat disgusted. He's paralysed.
The girl keeps crying, and screaming out loud, like she was being torn apart with pain. The boy next to her takes her in her arms and starts walking, while she keeps crying. The other girl walks towards the boy standing there.
- This, this is all you. All because of you. She's a mess. And I'm just trying to keep her from dying. So you stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I'll kill you.
She's got tears in her eyes. He just stands there.
4.1.09
almost famous.
you know that moment
when you're watching your boyfriend's favorite movie with him
and the last frame fades to black and the credits start rolling.
it's just magic.
then you smile and look at him
and you bend over to kiss him.
it's a perfect moment.
musicalization: led zeppelin - tangerine
when you're watching your boyfriend's favorite movie with him
and the last frame fades to black and the credits start rolling.
it's just magic.
then you smile and look at him
and you bend over to kiss him.
it's a perfect moment.
musicalization: led zeppelin - tangerine
29.12.08
standing at hell's entrance
well, i survived.. most of it at least.
what i wasn't counting on is that on january i will be.. not, i'm confident i won't be alone. i know i have great friends to take care of me. but i'll be without him.
living without him, ha, already am actually.
and it's not going so fantastic. it preety much sucks.
maybe it's just a bad day. maybe i will be able to sleep. maybe i'll even stop dreaming about him. maybe i'll find the strenght to go on with my plans, maybe it'll be the greatest month ever.
somehow, i just don't quite think so.
being more realistic.. maybe i'll be strong enough to just make it trough the days, one by one.
or maybe not.
what i wasn't counting on is that on january i will be.. not, i'm confident i won't be alone. i know i have great friends to take care of me. but i'll be without him.
living without him, ha, already am actually.
and it's not going so fantastic. it preety much sucks.
maybe it's just a bad day. maybe i will be able to sleep. maybe i'll even stop dreaming about him. maybe i'll find the strenght to go on with my plans, maybe it'll be the greatest month ever.
somehow, i just don't quite think so.
being more realistic.. maybe i'll be strong enough to just make it trough the days, one by one.
or maybe not.
28.12.08
and i wake up alone
.
It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
.
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets
.
This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
.
If I was my heart I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
.
My blood running cold I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light
.
His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
21.12.08
Como gasto papeles recordandote
como me haces hablar en el silencio,
como no te me quitas de las ganas
aunque nadie me vea nunca contigo.
Y como pasa el tiempo que, de pronto, son años
sin pasar tú por mí, detenida.
Te doy una canción si abro una puerta
y de la sombra sales tú.
Te doy una canción de madrugada,
cuando más quiero tú luz.
Te doy una canción cuándo apareces
el misterio del amor,
y si no lo apareces, no me importa:
yo te doy una canción.
Si miro un poco afuera, me detengo:
la ciudad se derrumba y yo cantando.
La gente que me odia y que me quiere
no me va a perdonar que me distraiga.
Creen que lo digo todo, que me juego la vida,
porque no te conocen ni te sienten.
Te doy una canción y hago un discurso
sobre mi derecho a hablar
te doy una canción con mis dos manos
con las mismas de matar.
Te doy una canción y digo patria
y sigo hablando para ti.
Te doy una canción como un disparo
como un libro, una palabra, una guerrilla
como doy el amor.
como me haces hablar en el silencio,
como no te me quitas de las ganas
aunque nadie me vea nunca contigo.
Y como pasa el tiempo que, de pronto, son años
sin pasar tú por mí, detenida.
Te doy una canción si abro una puerta
y de la sombra sales tú.
Te doy una canción de madrugada,
cuando más quiero tú luz.
Te doy una canción cuándo apareces
el misterio del amor,
y si no lo apareces, no me importa:
yo te doy una canción.
Si miro un poco afuera, me detengo:
la ciudad se derrumba y yo cantando.
La gente que me odia y que me quiere
no me va a perdonar que me distraiga.
Creen que lo digo todo, que me juego la vida,
porque no te conocen ni te sienten.
Te doy una canción y hago un discurso
sobre mi derecho a hablar
te doy una canción con mis dos manos
con las mismas de matar.
Te doy una canción y digo patria
y sigo hablando para ti.
Te doy una canción como un disparo
como un libro, una palabra, una guerrilla
como doy el amor.
17.12.08
all in all, she does has a point.
i do have various things to enjoy and happy and blah blah
he is being quite a good boy tonight
still, i can't deal with, you know, he having any kind of a life
which makes me preety much an evil cancer.
and i .. hell it doesn't even ocurrs me to actually enjoy any of them.
there's just no perspective. no horizon
there's just a big empty hole in front of me
have i brought it on to myself? i really, really don't think so.
is not like i.. fucking asked for it so badly i finally got all the misery so i can complain happyly.
SHEET it's really good i don't have a gun.
we see everyone else's sheet so clearly.
i do have various things to enjoy and happy and blah blah
he is being quite a good boy tonight
still, i can't deal with, you know, he having any kind of a life
which makes me preety much an evil cancer.
and i .. hell it doesn't even ocurrs me to actually enjoy any of them.
there's just no perspective. no horizon
there's just a big empty hole in front of me
have i brought it on to myself? i really, really don't think so.
is not like i.. fucking asked for it so badly i finally got all the misery so i can complain happyly.
SHEET it's really good i don't have a gun.
we see everyone else's sheet so clearly.
3.12.08
but what the fuck am i thinking?!
how great is fantasy-life?
i mean i am exactly where i want to
being the most popular girl
all my friends are there, and they're so cool.
there's a zillon boys to be chased by,
until my beautiful girl picks me up for lunch.
he's there, and after freaking out completly
(wasn't it about time?)
he finally realizes the huge mistake he's made in cutting me off his life.
i am walking around, gourgeous off course,
and my friends run towards me and hug me
and he just stares, as i greet him with my eyes.
i get out, and there are the rest of my friends,
with a good drink and sparckling one and singing the songs.
and i just sit there, drink and smoke and take my camera
and take the portraits of the future of art and politics at their highest.
and my friends move to town, and summer was just perfect
and then she arrives looking breath-taking as ever
kisses me and smiles
i wave godbye to my wonderful friends and hold her hand
and we walk towards that preety park-side cafe,
where we have cheese cake and champagne for lunch.
well isn't this great?
i mean i am exactly where i want to
being the most popular girl
all my friends are there, and they're so cool.
there's a zillon boys to be chased by,
until my beautiful girl picks me up for lunch.
he's there, and after freaking out completly
(wasn't it about time?)
he finally realizes the huge mistake he's made in cutting me off his life.
i am walking around, gourgeous off course,
and my friends run towards me and hug me
and he just stares, as i greet him with my eyes.
i get out, and there are the rest of my friends,
with a good drink and sparckling one and singing the songs.
and i just sit there, drink and smoke and take my camera
and take the portraits of the future of art and politics at their highest.
and my friends move to town, and summer was just perfect
and then she arrives looking breath-taking as ever
kisses me and smiles
i wave godbye to my wonderful friends and hold her hand
and we walk towards that preety park-side cafe,
where we have cheese cake and champagne for lunch.
well isn't this great?
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